Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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