he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
