I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
