and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
