apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
