Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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