I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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