dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
