laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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