just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
