I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
