Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
