M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
