Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
