omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we should paint friendship bongs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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