are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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