she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
