this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
