I think I died a long time ago.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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