I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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