Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
