i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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