Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
