yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
