You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
