i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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