you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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