I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hippo gnu deer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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