Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
