Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
