Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
