it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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