Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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