it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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