he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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