By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
