Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
