I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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