Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
