He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
