I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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