I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
