I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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