I didn't shave. On purpose
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
