My first STD was from a foam party
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
