I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
