if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
