He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drake has all the answers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
