note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
