DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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