You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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