I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
