my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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